


Cry for Help

by starlabsforever



Series: Cry For Help [1]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Caitlin needs help, Gen, Self-Flagellation, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Whelp
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-26
Updated: 2017-06-26
Packaged: 2018-11-19 04:52:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11306052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starlabsforever/pseuds/starlabsforever
Summary: Since rejoining the team, Caitlin's been struggling to find her place again. She thinks she found it. Cisco doesn't approve.





	Cry for Help

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt fill for "You could have been hurt".

Caitlin stared at the ceiling of the med bay, clenching the edges of the cot. “Are you nearly done?”

“Working on it.” Cisco blew a strand of hair out of his face. "You really outdid yourself."

They were on opposite sides of their usual equation- Caitlin wounded in the med bay, and Cisco patching her up. A month ago, it was unheard of; these days, a common occurrence.

She leaned over to look at the wound on her leg. "You should be able to get it all out."

"I don't want to hurt you."

“It’s fine, I-” Caitlin gasped sharply and swore. “Was that necessary?”

He glanced at her sidelong. "You have gravel embedded in your leg." He poked at it again with one of her clean metal tools. She gripped the cot hard. “There, that’s the last of it, I think. I’m gonna clean it now.”

“Okay, but this time, give me- ow!” He did not give her warning, as proven by the fiery sting that bit up her leg. “I could do this more efficiently by myself,” she said, a little snippily.

“But you’re not,” he said in a flat voice. He picked up the roll of sterile bandages and stretched it out. He stared at it like he’d forgotten what to do with it. “Besides, you know what’s even more efficient? Not going after crazy-ass metas in the middle of the night by yourself.”

His voice was brittle and he was staring at her leg intensely, carefully avoiding her eyes. “You’re mad about that?”

“Gee, I dunno, Cait, did you or did you not almost get killed? Did or did I not find you unconscious on the ground, and you might’ve died if your panic button hadn’t activated?”

“So, what, you’re pissed that I got hurt?”

He stared at her wound again. “No, I’m pissed because you’re endangering yourself.”

Her cheeks burned. “You and Barry and Wally endanger yourselves all the time.”

“Not alone!” Cisco dropped the roll on the table and snapped his head up to look at her. “And certainly not without telling anyone. We go as a team so that we can have each other’s backs. That way we don’t- that way no-one gets hurt.” He picked the bandage back up and began to wrap it around her leg.

She waited for him to say something, but his stony silence spoke volumes. “I’ve been doing this for weeks,” she retorted before she could stop herself. He glanced up at her sharply. “And I’ve actually stopped some of them. I’ve done a lot of good, while the rest of you are preoccupied with fulfilling Barry’s latest personal mission.”

“And every single night, you’ve come to my place with a wound or turned up the next morning with one.” He ripped the bandage and picked up the medical tape from the table. “There’s literally no reason for you to be doing this alone. What are you playing at, Caitlin?”

Caitlin watched the side of his head. “I’m trying to make up for everything,” she said finally, and he turned to look at her, his face unreadable. “Ever since I came back from- from being her, after everything that I did, I feel like I have so much atoning to do.”

He paused with his hand on her calf, his thumb pressed lightly against the tender edge of the wound. “That wasn’t you.”

“Yes, it was. People got hurt because of me.” Her voice shook. “H.R. died because of me.”

Cisco dropped the tape. He clenched his hands together and she could see his lip trembling. “Savitar would have hurt someone anyway.”

“But maybe not H.R.,” she said. “He didn’t deserve to die.”

His head snapped up. "No-one deserves to die, but that's the way it is and you can't do a damn thing about that!" 

She flinched and he bowed his head, seeming to realize that he’d lost control. He picked the tape back up and steadied the bandage against her leg with his fingers. "Sorry," he muttered.

"Don't be," she whispered.

He glanced back up at her. His eyes were pink at the corners. She didn’t mention it. “Like I said, it’s the way it is. That’s no reason for you to punish yourself.”

“I’m not.” She twisted her fingers in a lock of her hair. So very blonde. “I just think I need to be doing everything I can to even the score.”

He was gripping her leg a little too tightly now. “So that’s what this is, then? A cry for help?”

“I’m just trying to make things right.”

He swallowed hard. “Really? Because it seems like you’re trying to hurt yourself on purpose.”

She couldn’t argue with that. She sometimes hoped that if a meta got the better of her, maybe she wouldn’t wake up, and then everyone would be safer. She knew that she could never tell Cisco that. His heart couldn’t take much more, and she had done enough to batter it.

"Caitlin," he said softly, and she realized she'd been drifting.

She glanced up at him. “I’m not going to stop, Cisco.”

He secured the bandage with a piece of the medical tape. “I know,” he said, and took a breath as if he were about to say something, but stopped. “You’re good to go.”

She watched as he stood up. “That’s it? You’re not gonna frog-march me home, lecture me about being safe?”

He glanced back at her. “I can’t make you care about yourself,” he said in a soft voice. “But-” and he stopped himself again.

She stood up. “But?” she prompted.

He rolled his shoulders. “Why do you have to do it by yourself? I would feel better if Barry or- or Wally went with you.” 

She wondered why he didn't suggest that he go with her, and she tried not to care, but she did. “This is something I have to do alone."

“Okay, but-” He inhaled sharply. “You could have been hurt.” His eyes drifted to her leg. “Worse, I mean. No matter how you feel about yourself right now, Caitlin Snow is very important to me, and I’m gonna be pissed if something happens to her.”

“I’m not going to stop,” she said again. She couldn’t stop, even if she wanted to. If she did, she would have too many thoughts and no outlet for the awful little voice that guided her when she was taking down metas and criminals.

He looked at her in a way that hurt her more than she wanted it to. “Okay,” he said quietly. “Good night, Caitlin.”

“Good night, Cisco,” she said. He flinched a little, like looking at her was more than he could bear, and ducked out through the door.


End file.
